The Life of Lee by Lee Evans

Author:Lee Evans
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780141946689
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2011-08-24T04:00:00+00:00

Granddad was a drill sergeant in the army during the Second World War.

But after dinner, Granddad Evans would suddenly stand bolt upright, as if on parade in the middle of his small, frayed lounge. Such was the speed of his rise, his trousers had to catch up with him afterwards. He would stand there, white shirt sleeves rolled up, tidying his hair in the mirror above the fireplace. From there, he would proceed to do his annual Christmas speech about the terrors of fighting in the war. His stories of his time in the army were so heart-wrenching and sad, they would always make us cry. And his melodic Welsh accent somehow gave what he was saying more resonance.

He would tell what it was like to see your friends die. He would talk about the heroism and the ultimate senselessness of it all. Then he would turn, his mood becoming even darker. Growing ever more angry, he would recount how he and all his mates hated the toffee-nosed buggers who were in charge and who always seemed miles away from any of the actual fighting.

But mostly he liked to vent his rage at his Japanese foes. He would shout: ‘And thaaaat is whiiiieee Ieee refffuuwwse …’ Real venom now infused his voice, as if it were from the very depths of his soul, as if it seethed and bubbled inside him like some vengeful toxic mixture. Building to a crescendo, spit would fly from his mouth. Then, having used the last remnants of oxygen left in his lungs, he would slump back down into his well-worn armchair. ‘And that’s whyee Ieee reffuwse to buy any-thin maide buyeee the Japaneeese.’

It was a good job he made that announcement about the Japanese then, as in the future they would start making just about everything on the planet. If Granddad were still alive today, I’m not sure his speech would have the same significance, as he and Nanny Evans would pretty much be sitting in the dark with no telly, no radio and probably no heating, as I’m betting the Japanese make the computer chips that go in our boilers too.

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